Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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