I got chris browned last night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
