Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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