I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Shame is for Republicans.
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