Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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