my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
