Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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