I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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