I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
