I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
