Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
