There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
