I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
