This is not my ceiling
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
