just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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