I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
