Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
