hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
