the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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