I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize