that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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