the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
