I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
