at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
