12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
