I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
