We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
