Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
