Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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