The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
