u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
