You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
