Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
