Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two words: nipple clamps
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