So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
