we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
