i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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