She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
