Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
