Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
