she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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