My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
