I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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