All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
