eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
