Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize