Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize