i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
