This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this boner is exhausting
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
