I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
