rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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