good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
