You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
