her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize