mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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