You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
