your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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