She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I deserve this hangover.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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