Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
