I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
