everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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