y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
