But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
