Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
