exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
