You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
