so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
