So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
