Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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