I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
