Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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