so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
