Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize