I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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