Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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