i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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