By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
