My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
