Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
