Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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