so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
