Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
