Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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