Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
