honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
