adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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