i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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