i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
