as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
