i think my mom watched the whole time
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
