And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
