this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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