proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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