you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
