I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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